Another snowy, icy day...

I remember back when I liked snowstorms...days off school with my children- sliding, skating and enjoying. Now, I look at snow through my jaded eyes, and I think shovelling, slippery, icky mess! I long for spring time... the blossoms on the trees, the daffodils blooming, the birds chirping in the morning. It always seems to get longer and longer- the wait for spring.
I weighed in today at 290.6 so I really in a good mood, despite the snow and ice falling outside. A weight loss of 17 pounds is good.
I resolved last night that I will start back at the gym tomorrow- I am working a 12 hour shift today, due to the snow, so I can't start today- no excuses. I was watching the Biggest Loser last night, and noted how much the trainers pushed the participants, and the weight loss they achieved because they were pushed. So I resolved then that it was also time for me to stop making excuses and get out of my comfort zone and into the gym. I knew that I hadn't cancelled my Planet Fitness membership for a reason. So tomorrow it will start and I will make an appointment to meet with the trainer and review the equipment.

Recap of Day 1

I made it through yesterday. From previous LC experience I have learned that the first two weeks are crucial. Just the whole eating habit change makes it difficult. I mean, I am a fast food junkie and an emotional eater. Trying to find my comfort niche while lowcarbing takes awhile- especially when I am faced with a family of carb addicts (with teenagers in the house what would one expect, not to mention a husband and sister who are also carb addicts). My sister knew exactly what I was doing (as she put it- again) when I came home from the kid cab runs and made a plate of cucumber, pepperoni and cheese slices. My teenagers rolled their collective eyes, and went and pulled frozen carb crap out of the freezer for their dinners. In their words- whatever! I did well yesterday- two beef patties for breakfast / lunch (I had to work a third shift Sunday/Monday, so it was really dinner), two cheese sticks (on-the-go life savers), a cucumber, pepperoni and cheese slices for dinner. oh, and a piece of gum during the wrestling competition.
So, here starts day 2, and the stress of my job to contend with. I manage a group home for mentally challenged adults, and while the position in and of itself is not really stressful, there are other factors that increase the stress level ten-fold. Budget cuts, staff shortages, and overdue reports tend to make life very stressful. Add in a healthy dose of office politics, teenage crisis management, overdue bills, housework that needs attention, third shifts open Fri., Sat., and Sun., cake order due on Saturday, and, OMG, you have those Hershey Kisses calling out loud for attention! Oh, and let's not forget that my darling son's wrestling coach informed me last night that my son has been chosen to compete in the Southern Duals this Saturday, two hours drive from home. Oh, and the Berlin tournament on Sunday. So, now my work time management has changed for today, as I now have to make it a priority to arrange third shift coverage for this weekend so that I can transport to the tournaments. don't get me wrong, I love the fact that my son is so involved in sports, sometimes, though, it is difficult to juggle and balance my work persona with my mom persona, without losing MYSELF in the process. The football, wrestling and lacrosse seasons tend to wreak havoc on my life.
Anyways, time to stop or I WILL be answering the Call of the Kisses, or the M &Ms, or any other chocolate that I may find hidden in the depths of my work bag that needs cleaning!
Off to get ready for another day of living lowcarb! Need to get my emergency bag of fast food packed and head off!

Back on the wagon....

Well, I made a decision again this week, and have chosen tomorrow to be the starting point....again. I have been off the low carb wagon for so long this time; and my weight shows it! It seems like everytime I start low-carbing in the past five years, I stop after a few weeks. Emotionality (is that really a word?) is part of the reason. I am an emotional eater, and lowcarb chocolate doesn't do for me what real chocolate does. Neither does cauliflower smash as substitute for buttery mashed potatoes, or pork rinds in lieu of crispy potato chips. Regardless, I need to do this....for me, for my health, for my mental stability.
I bought a new laptop last Tuesday and it has a webcam on it. I turned it on while at work Friday night and this ugly, fat woman stared back. Yuck!!! I can't believe what I have evolved to in the past five years. I logged onto my myspace account and found the picture of me in 2003, and 2007, and wanted to cry. In 2003 I had reached my goal of 160 from 300 lb., and in 2007 I was back up to 210. Now, a hundred pounds more, and well.....
Here I am sitting here at work again, with a definitive start date of january 12. I considered joining a lowcarb forum, but really don't have time to be social and respond on a regular basis, to others' posts. No, I am not being mean, just realistic. I am married, with two children still at home, a three-yo granddaughter who visits regularly so dad (my son) can work, a more than full time job as a residential manager, and a cake decorating business on the side. Time for me is at a minimum, and when I do have time I want to be able to ramble about what I want, or need, to ramble about.